


here i go again (missing you)

by RottenKidNextDoor (PortalofWords)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, M/M, carlos shoves his feelings down, jay comes to visit and all hell breaks loose, jay goes to college, lonely!carlos, mal and evie live together, minor mal/evie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 22:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20553764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortalofWords/pseuds/RottenKidNextDoor
Summary: “only six hours, pup. if it weren’t for the training regiment coach has got us on, i'd be up here a lot more.”“yeah, i know. you’ve told me.”orjay goes to college, mal and evie move away, and carlos tries to hide just how miserable he is being left alone at school.





	here i go again (missing you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! here's a little something i've been working on that features a very lonely carlos and an especially guilty jay. i've always struggled with the idea that carlos was just content to remain at auradon prep all by himself, so this kind of grew from that. 
> 
> also, quick note, i have mal and evie sharing the "starter" castle in this work. i have no idea where doug and ben went and i didn't really feel like including them, so :)

A pair of strong arms tackled Carlos from behind, and if they hadn’t been accompanied by a familiar laugh and scent, he would’ve brought his head up or a shoulder to knock the assault away. But the laugh rang around across the lawn, followed by a boastrous whoop, and Carlos felt his heart soar. 

“ _ You asshole!”  _ Carlos turned and melted into the embrace. “I could’ve stabbed you, you know. Good thing you still put on too much cologne.” 

“I know! I know!” Jay laughed, whirling him around to get a better look at his face. “And I put extra on so you’d know it was me! Fuck, de Vil, let me look at you.” 

Carlos stared up into the face of his boyfriend. It felt like he’d been gone a lot longer than three months. Pictures and video calls didn’t do him justice, the freckled boy decided. But here he was, standing right in front of him - all cocky smiles and crinkled eyes. “College is stupid,” Carlos blurted out. 

And Jay laughed again, dropping a kissing onto his forehead. “Hear, hear! Remind me why you’re the one stuck here? You’re the genius, not me.” 

“Stupid school rules.” Carlos scuffed his foot against the grass, lowering his eyes. He hoped Jay wouldn’t hear the anger in his voice; his boyfriend had been worried enough about going to college all alone - he didn’t need to worry about Carlos’ problems, too. 

“Three months straight of school and tourney has been wild,” Jay laughed, tossing his hair. “But I hate to admit it, I’ve kinda missed this stupid place.”

“I told you not to go to Sherwood,” Carlos grumbled. “It’s too far.” 

Jay grinned, grabbing his hand. “Only six hours, Pup. If it weren’t for the training regiment coach has got us on - which I’m kicking ass at, by the way - I’d be up here a lot more.” He looked almost deliriously happy, all swept up in the joy of reunion. 

Carlos wished he could feel that same level of bliss, but Jay’s comment was a subtle reminder of all the hopeful nights he’d spent waiting for a call only to be overshadowed by a long practice or a late night with the team. “Yeah, I know,” he told his boyfriend, if a little flatly. “You’ve told me.”

He tried to let it sink in that this really was Jay standing in front of him, his boyfriend, his best friend. It was hard to believe Jay now had several months of experiences in Auradon that didn’t involve Carlos - or Mal or Evie, for that matter - under his belt. They’d been a team for a long time now, the four of them; how odd that a few years spent in a fairytale could change all that. 

“Well, where to first?” Jay asked in a mock militant tone, his eyes sweeping across the green campus. “Dude, I’ve missed the food here. Sherwood is good, but this is better. Oh, shit, and I think I left my old tourney jersey from the Knights here, too - maybe in the dorm? I could’ve sworn I packed it, but I can’t find it anywhere. You seen it around?” 

“No.” Carlos slid his hand into Jay’s. It was a familiar position, comforting. He hoped he hadn’t answered Jay’s question too quickly. To cover, he tried changing the subject. “How long are you here?” 

His boyfriend grimaced as they began to stroll across the grounds. “Not long enough, unfortunately. I gotta be back in Sherwood by tomorrow night. We’ve got a big game coming up, and coach has scheduled a bunch of mandatory practices. I guess ‘break’ doesn’t mean shit to him. But I figured half a day with you was better than nothing, right?” 

“Half a day?” Carlos stopped walking. “You drove six hours for only half a day?” 

Jay looked puzzled. “Well, I was hoping to get here earlier but I had to stop for gas a couple times. If I get back to campus by tomorrow morning, I can take a good nap before practice. I’ll be sore as shit if I try and do the whole drive tomorrow and then go run sprints. I’m really bummed, too, ‘Los, trust me. I know I promised to spend the week with you, and I was really looking forward to it.” 

Carlos gave him a thin smile. He loved watching Jay light up about tourney; he’d finally found an activity that brought him genuine joy. But sometimes, like right now, Carlos couldn’t help feeling a little jealous of the stupid sport that took so much of his boyfriend’s time and energy. Three months and all he got was half a day with one of the people he missed more than anything.

Their steps almost automatically took them in the direction of the dining hall, just like so many other lazy afternoons. Carlos knew that being a senior was a status that most kids in Auradon relished, but he still felt like the new kid most of the time - an outsider who didn’t quite fit in anywhere. He didn’t know some of the senior traditions; he wasn’t accustomed to the Auradon lifestyle and ceremonies. It hadn’t been so bad when the other three were at school with him, but now that they were gone, Auradon Prep felt much lonelier. 

“So,” Jay grinned, nudging him as they grabbed trays and piled them high with snacks and assorted junk food. “What’s new here? You running the place this year?” 

“Ha.” Carlos gave him a wry smile. “Like I’ve ever run anything in my entire life.” 

“I heard you ran pretty damn fast when Dude was chasing you,” Jay teased as Carlos paid for their food (since Jay no longer had a valid cafeteria pin). “Where is that dog anyway?” 

At the mention of his dog, Carlos perked up a little. Dude was the one thing keeping him sane this year; a constant. He swore that dog knew exactly when he needed affection the most. “He’s good! We went for a walk last week, and he almost caught a squirrel!” He paused, frowning. “The story… doesn’t sound as interesting now, but it was pretty funny to watch him try. And then the squirrel was taunting him, I swear. It kept chittering and…” Carlos trailed off with a huff. For some reason, the whole event just didn’t have the same charm when repeated out loud. He supposed Jay would’ve had to be there. 

To his credit, Jay did look interested. As they sat at their old lunch place - under their favorite tree - his boyfriend nodded and flashed him another smile. “Sounds like he’s good.” 

“I dropped him off at the groomer this morning.” Carlos shook his head. “If I’d known you weren’t staying the whole week, I wouldn’t have scheduled his appointment for today. He misses you almost as much as I - yeah, he misses you.” Carlos caught himself quickly; he didn’t want to come across as needy - not when Jay was clearly having the time of his life back in Sherwood. “Tell me about the new team.” 

And with a bright and shining smile, Jay launched into an explanation about this guy and that guy and some son of an older famous tourney player and the bench kids’ attitude problems and some guy that got his underwear stolen three weeks in a row after practice. He was so excited and described everything with so much affection that Carlos almost felt like he knew the team, too. 

_ But you don’t,  _ a voice reminded him.  _ You don’t know them. This is his life now. Not yours.  _

After lunch, Jay wanted to see everything. He and Carlos walked across the tourney fields where he’d scored his first goal (Jay reenacting the whole thing, commentary included), past old classrooms, and even to the spot behind the bleachers where the two of them would often make out. Jay even insisted they go down into the locker rooms to get a glimpse of the shower they would sometimes share at the end of a hard practice. 

“Well, well, well,” Carlos teased affectionately. “You aren’t usually the sentimental type.” 

Jay ran a hand through his hair, still smiling. “Not sentimental, ‘Los,” he laughed. “Just sightseeing! Getting my fill before I head back to Sherwood. Since I can’t spend the week with you, I just have to fit in everything today.”

“Right.” Carlos brushed his curls away from his forehead. “Just a few more hours and then it’s back to Sherwood for you.”

Jay didn’t seem to pick up on his bitter tone. “I really think you’d like it there, ‘Los. Everyone is so cool, and the team is fantastic! Practically every student comes out to watch our games. And it’s not on some small field, either! It’s inside this huge stadium -”

“I’ve been there,” Carlos reminded him gently. “I came to your first game, remember?”

Jay blinked and for a moment, he looked genuinely confused - like he simply couldn’t imagine Carlos being at Sherwood. Then, his face broke into yet another grin. “Oh, yeah! You came with the girls! I forgot about that - it feels like a lifetime ago. You gotta come back soon, okay? There are so many new things I gotta show you.” 

_ Yeah,  _ Carlos thought, a little sadly.  _ New things, new people, new life.  _

The afternoon passed in a blur of teasing, kisses, laughter - which wasn’t anything unusual - but Carlos couldn’t help noticing a strange heaviness in his limbs and chest. He’d forgotten how easy things were when Jay was around, how much brighter everything seemed. But their time together was limited, and every second was one step closer to goodbye. Again.

Carlos remembered how hard it had been to watch Jay drive off the first time, standing at the edge of campus and staring until he couldn’t even see the dust trail left by the car. With Mal and Evie all moved into their new place (the “starter castle, as Evie liked to call it) Auradon Prep had already lost half of its life, its shine - at least for Carlos - and Jay leaving was the final peace of the dark, twisted puzzle. On that afternoon, Calros had just stood there, frozen, until he’d finally found it in himself to turn around and walk back to his room. 

“Before I head out, I wanna check our room really quick,” Jay said, interrupting his thoughts. The evening sun shone gold across his face and arms, lighting him up. They were already sort of heading in the direction of the dormitory buildings anyway, so the request wasn’t unreasonable. Besides, anything to stall his inevitable departure sounded okay to Carlos. 

“It’s pretty messy.” 

Jay snorted. “You? Messy? Yeah, right, de Vil. Just take a deep breath, alright? It’s me, not a guest. I’m the messy one in this relationship, remember?” 

_ I feel messy,  _ Carlos thought to himself.  _ I feel so jumbled up, all the time now. I can clean up any mess except this one.  _

“You still don’t have a roommate, right?” Jay asked as they continued to walk. When Carlos shook his head, the taller boy laughed. “What? Did they just run out of guys or something?” 

Carlos felt his face flush some, avoiding eye contact. He’d told Jay that he’d lucked out this year; that not as many boys had enrolled; that so far, they hadn’t found someone that needed a roommate. But that wasn’t the complete truth. “Crazy, right?”

Still smiling, Jay laughed again. “Yeah, totally. Doesn’t matter, though. Not one of them could possibly compare to my good looks and charms, so they should quit trying to fill my shoes.” The comment earned him a punch to the shoulder, but not quite as hard as Carlos would’ve thrown if the words hadn’t hit a little too close to home. 

When they reached their building, Carlos opened the heavy door, and they both stepped into one of the air conditioned, plush-carpet hallways. All down the corridor, doors were ajar. Boys were milling about or straggling in from their nightly activities, some clad in sweatpants and others in sweat sports gear. Jay seemed to be right at ease among the familiar blue-and-yellow-lined walls and the dark oak paneled wood. If Carlos hadn’t known better, he would’ve thought Jay had never left. 

They climbed the stairs - well, Carlos climbed, Jay bounded - until they reached their floor. 

“Dude, this is so weird,” Jay told him, standing in front of the door. He didn’t bother trying the handle; they both knew it was always locked - some island habits never went away. “I feel like I still go here, you know?” 

Carlos just shrugged and unlocked the door. It felt strange - both bitter and sweet - to be entering the dorm with Jay beside him again. Almost a cruel tease of how things used to be. 

Jay stepped into the room, turning in almost a complete circle to get a look at the place. Carlos watched him, silent. He was worried that if he opened his mouth, a hundred things would tumble out, begging him to stay or even just confessing how much he missed him. 

“It hasn’t changed a bit.“ Jay grinned broadly, seemingly unaware of Carlos’ silence. 

His observation was pretty spot on; Carlos had specifically left the place that way to keep some semblance of comfort and familiarity in his life. There were some of Jay’s older books and binders (mostly untouched) lying on his desk and other various items strewn about Jay’s side of the room, a side that definitely didn’t look vacated for three months. Jay’s bed was even still made up, with the sheets and blankets looking freshly slept in. In fact, aside from the noticeable increase in photographs taped to the walls and the headboards of the beds, the place looked pretty much identical to the way it had always been. 

The more Jay stood there, though, the less excited he seemed. His brows began to furrow, and his eyes seemed to catch on certain details. Carlos suddenly wanted him to keep talking, to stop studying everything so carefully. He played with his sleeves anxiously, watching Jay like a bomb that could go off any second. He’d done such a good job about hiding all his feelings today; he couldn’t fuck up now. 

Sure enough, though, Jay began to hone in on things capable from throwing Carlos’ situation into the harsh light. 

“‘Los,” Jay said at last, walking over to the desk and examining some of the books left there. “These are mine. I told you to give this shit away when I went to Sherwood. I don’t need it anymore. And you’re not exactly one to leave things untidy. Why are they just… sitting here?” 

“Oh, you know...” Carlos tried to keep his voice above concern level. He’d planned to sell or recycle them, but somehow, tossing the papers and returning the books felt too permanent, like he was throwing Jay out of the room. “I just never got around to it, I guess.” 

He must’ve done a poorer job at hiding his tone that he’d thought because Jay took another look at his face, studying him for a long moment. “You just  _ never got around  _ to cleaning? You used to hound me daily about picking my shit up.” Then, his eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he returned to gazing around the room, this time more critically. He lingered on the old tourney balls in the corner and the broken stick on the shelf - stuff that Carlos had lectured him a hundred times about putting away so it didn’t clutter the space.

Carefully, Jay brushed his fingers below some of the new taped up photos, examining a group shot for a long moment. Carlos didn’t have to see the picture to know which one it was; he’d taped it up just last week. It showed Evie, Mal, and Jay all piled up around Carlos on Mal’s bed a few weeks before everyone had started leaving. Evie had taken the photo in selfie format, her face closest to the camera and all lit up with a wide smile. Behind her, Mal and Jay were both flipping off the camera, their arms looped around Carlos protectively. It was one of Carlos’ favorite photos; just looking at it made him feel safer. 

“I forgot about this photo,” Jay said in a low voice. 

Carlos just shrugged, not trusting his voice. He wanted to tell Jay to stop looking, to stop examining his things, but the words never came. He  _ couldn’t  _ tell Jay that he’d taken to taping up a new photo every time he found himself missing them. He just  _ couldn’t.  _

Jay had moved past the photo now and leaned over to his old bed, seemingly distracted by a flash of blue, shiny fabric peeking out from under the pillow. “Wait...” Carefully, Jay lifted up the pillow, revealing the old tourney jersey emblazoned with the bright gold eight on the back. “You’ve been sleeping in my bed.” It wasn’t a question.

The freckled boy felt his control slipping. He had sworn he wasn’t gonna let Jay know how much he’d been struggling or how much he’d been missing him, other than the obligatory statements at the end of phone calls and such. Jay was busy. Jay had new friends. Jay didn’t need Carlos holding him back. If he knew everything, he might start resenting him, or worse, try to give up his new team, And Carlos couldn’t be the reason for that; he’d never forgive himself. 

“Hey.” Jay was still holding that stupid jersey that Carlos couldn’t seem to get over. “You took this out of my bag, didn’t you? Because I know I packed it.” He suddenly stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Dude, did you take that yellow sweatshirt too? And my maroon sweater?” 

“Please don’t be mad.” Carlos rubbed his forehead, fighting down his rising panic. "Fuck, don’t be mad! I just - needed some stuff that smelled like you. And - I tried to find ways to ask you before you left, but I always ducked out - and - and I couldn’t spend three months here all alone without it!” He didn’t know when he’d raised his voice, but when he stopped talking, there was a faint ringing in his ears. 

Jay just looked a little stunned. “Fuck. Carlos - I know it’s been tough, but I didn’t… you never told me how hard this has been on you.” 

“Told you?” Carlos could feel his throat getting tighter, and he fought against it. “Why the fuck would I tell you, Jay? So you can feel guilty? So you can blame yourself? You’re so happy. I’ve never seen you so happy. I - I wasn’t going to ruin that!” 

“You don’t ruin anything.” Jay rubbed the side of his face, exhaling sharply. “You didn’t just ‘luck out’ on the roommate thing either, did you?” 

The ground blurred as Carlos’ stared at it. “I asked Ben if I there was any way I could room alone this year.” The words sounded even more pathetic out loud than in his head. 

“Carlos -” 

“No!” Carlos didn’t want to hear about how he had to move on and put himself out there and make new friends. He knew he was being selfish by claiming this entire space all for himself, and he didn’t really care. “You don’t get to say anything! You and Mal and Evie all got to move away, to make new memories in a place that didn’t have any old ones haunting you! I’m stuck here being treated like a child with ghosts of you guys everywhere! Sometimes, I get all the way to the girls’ old room before I forget that it doesn’t belong to them anymore! Do you know how weird it is to see two freshman girls exiting that room? Girls with normal hair and no idea as to why I could possibly be standing there awkwardly in the hallway? And half the time I end up waiting for you by the end of the chemsitry hallway where we used to meet to head to lunch for ten mintues before I remember you’re six fucking hours away! And then at night, I get to come back here and try to sleep in this fucking room listening to the dead fucking quiet. You - don’t get it,” he sniffed miserably. “You just - don’t.” 

Jay looked almost ashamed now, his shoulders sagging in a way they almost never did. He didn’t seem to know what to say, and a speechless Jay was rare. 

“And -” now that Carlos had started, he couldn’t find it in himself to stop, “ - and today, I finally get you back for a week only to learn that I’m losing you again in the span of a few hours! I couldn’t even let myself enjoy today because I know the goodbye that’s coming is gonna suck all over again!” A cold realization began to settle in his chest. “Jay… we can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being your boyfriend. We’re too far away. It hurts too badly. I can’t keep saying goodbye over and over again while you try to fit me in your busy schedule. I’m constantly reminded that you’re not here. Everyone else is getting ready to go to Castlecoming with their dates and my date… is gone. Always gone.” 

The muscles in Jay’s jaw were tense, which meant he was probably holding back rare tears. Either that, or he was angry. “We’re not breaking up.” 

“You don’t get to decide that!” 

Jay shook his head. “We’re not breaking up because if I lose you, I lose everything.” 

The words made the room blur faster. “Jay, please don’t do this. Please don’t make it harder than it has to be. It - it doesn’t have to be forever. But… I can’t miss you this badly.” 

“You think breaking up will stop that?” There was a break in Jay’s voice now, and he twisted the ring on his finger. “Whether there’s a label or not, it’s gonna hurt! You think I don’t miss you? I  _ have  _ a new roommate. And he’s cool, I guess, but he’s not Carlos. He’s not my Carlos that pads over in the middle of the night and slides into bed with me. He doesn’t play with my hair after a nightmare or make me laugh when I feel like crumbling. He’s not you. And it sucks, okay, it sucks. I wish I’d thought to bring your sweater or something. I’d be sleeping with that, too.” 

Carlos shivered some, despite the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He’d run out of words. He just knew that the empty feeling that had grown since the other three left had gotten too big; too wide. Slowly, he let his eyes drift around the room to the pictures. He missed his family. He missed Mal’s snort and Evie’s laugh; he missed Jay’s comforting arms and his steady grin. Carlos didn’t know how to do this without them. 

Vaguely, he became aware of someone standing right beside him. “Jay.” 

“Can I hug you? Please?” 

Jay almost never said please. Despite all the chidings from Fairy Godmother, the classes he’d spent being surrounded by perfectly well-mannered princes and princesses, it was one habit he’d never been able to pick up. It sounded so pleading coming out of his mouth, and suddenly, there was nothing Carlos wanted more than to be wrapped up tight in Jay’s arms. He gave a short nod and then, the taller boy’s arms wrapped gently around him, pulling him close. 

They stood there like that, swaying in the center of the room. Outside the window, the sun was gone, replaced by darkness. Carlos let his eyes slide shut, resting against Jay’s chest as his breathing evened out. He could hear the steady pounding of Jay’s heart, reminding him of all the nights he’d spent matching his breaths to those very beats. Carlos never wanted to let go. 

Jay didn’t say anything, but Carlos knew what was going on inside his head anyway. Jay was beating himself up, his eyes dark and forehead crinkled. His mind was running through the same list of self-deprecating phrases it always did when he felt he’d really fucked something up. Carlos wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault; that people moved on and grew up; but the tiny part of him that had been screaming “abandonment” from the day Jay had pulled away kept his mouth shut. 

When they finally stepped away, Carlos’ felt a little lightheaded from crying, his cheeks sticky and cold. “I just miss you.”

“I know.” Jay didn’t offer any solution; didn’t try to placate him with a false sense of security. “I miss you, too.” His shoulders were sagging, like the weight of the world had suddenly become too much for him to bear. “Come on.” Jay guided him over to the bed - Jay’s bed - pulling back the neatly made sheets and blankets and patting the pillow. “Come lie down. It’s late.” 

And even if Carlos had wanted to argue, his body betrayed him and he yawned; his eyes were itchy from the tears. He crawled under the covers, pulling the tourney jersey close. It still smelled a bit like Jay, but now that he had the real thing to compare it to, Carlos could tell how washed-out the scent had gotten. He wished he had time to ask Jay to put it on again, even for a few hours, to strengthen it again.

Jay leaned forward and kissed his lips, staying there for a moment. The action was so familiar - just a routine, sleepy bedtime kiss - that Carlos almost began to cry again. He would’ve felt stupider if he hadn’t seen the glassy tears reflected back at him in Jay’s eyes. 

Carlos knew Jay had to leave. He had practice tomorrow; he had a six hour drive; he couldn’t just stay here because Carlos had decided to break down. But despite all that, actually seeing his boyfriend pick up his keys and twist them back and forth in his hands still hurt. Carlos closed his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t have to see the exact moment Jay walked out. 

“Jay?” His voice was hoarse. “Don’t say goodbye, okay? Just get up and leave?” 

“Ok.” Jay still sounded close by; he hadn’t moved. 

“You gotta go.” Carlos knew the drive to Sherwood forest wasn’t an easy one. It was a long, lonely, two-laned highway stretching into nothing. It would’ve been better if Jay had gotten started while there was still some light, but it was too late for that now.

“I love you, Carlos.” It was quiet, almost so quiet Carlos thought he had imagined it. But when he cracked open his eyes, he saw Jay looking at him. 

Clearing his throat, Carlos nodded, hoping his voice would work. “I love you, too, Jay.” And then he shut his eyes and didn’t open them for the rest of the night, even when he heard Jay get up, even when he heard footsteps and the sound of the door shutting, even when the tears started leaking out anyway and rolling down the sides of his cheeks.

* * *

Carlos could feel the sunlight before he saw it. 

The room was light behind his eyelids, and he became increasingly aware of the familiar, soft blue fabric of Jay’s jersey clutched tightly in his hand. The faint scent brought back the previous evening’s events, and his whole body felt heavy now, worn out with the toll so many emotions had taken on it. Carlos felt pretty stupid for crying so much, but it didn’t really matter anymore. 

_ Saturday,  _ the voice in his head began to recite.  _ You gotta get started on that project, pick up Dude, finish the robotics meeting notes, do your laundry, change the sheets -  _

“Stop kicking me!”  _ _

There was a soft thump and then - “Well, stop threatening to eat all the food!”

“I think you’ve both sufficiently woken up him,” came a third voice, dripping in sarcasm. “Way to go. Stellar job. Let’s put you two on watch every night.” 

Carlos forced his eyes to remain shut, despite the incessant fluttering of his heart. He couldn’t open them. He couldn’t wake up and see the empty room and -

“Carlos!” Evie half-whispered. “I can only hold him off for so long! He keeps taking swipes of frosting! Wake up!” 

Slowly, Carlos sat up and opened one eye, just in case the voices were all apart of some cruel dream. Then, his heart really did leap into his throat. Because they were  _ there -  _ all three of them - smiling affectionately - and maybe a little hesitant, too - at him from the table. 

“Hey.” Evie gave him a little wave. “Miss us?” 

Carlos tumbled out of bed in such a hurry that he got his legs tangled in the sheets and nearly crashed to the floor, tripping until Evie caught him with a soft laugh. “How are you here?” he asked, eyes wide. “I thought you all were busy! I’ve been trying to see you guys for weeks!”

Mal and Evie shared a look, and neither of them seemed to find words for a moment. Finally, Mal spoke up, her voice heavier than he’d ever heard it in awhile. “You were right, Spotty. I failed you - as your leader and as your friend.” Carlos opened his mouth to argue, but she shut him up with a look. “I’m not done. I did fail you. I left you behind. So, I’m here to fix it or something.” 

Evie kissed his cheek, ruffling his hair. “We’re so sorry, Carlos. Jay called us last night. Drove all the way to get us, too. And Mal made the cinnamon rolls as a show of good faith, even if it’s not gonna make up for what we did.” 

Carlos, who had been bringing a goey roll up to his mouth, paused, causing Evie to smile some. 

“What?” Mal wrinkled her nose. “I’m a good cook!” 

“Sure, M.” She turned to Carlos, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “She once burned macaroni and cheese.  _ Boxed  _ macaroni and cheese.”

Carlos smiled back. After one glance at Jay, however, his happiness faltered. Jay never passed up an opportunity to take a playful dig at Mal, but this morning, he just sat quietly - removed - as if he hadn’t heard the conversation at all. Carlos swept his gaze over the dark circles under his boyfriend’s eyes and the pain shining there. He was still upset, Carlos realized. Still blaming himself. 

“Jay…” Carlos moved closer to him. “Talk to me.” 

Jay gestured to the cinnamon rolls. “You never eat just one. Go get another.” 

“You can’t distract me with food.” Carlos looked up into his face. “What’s wrong? Did you get any sleep?”

The starter castle was just outside Auradon City, on a decent stretch of land and away from the city’s bright lights. Still, it was a good hour away from Auradon Prep and that was without any stops. Depending on the time he left and how much time he’d actually spent there, he might not have gotten any sleep at all. 

“I’m good.” Jay gave him a thin smile, but it looked more like a grimace. 

“You’re allowed to still be upset, you know,” Carlos said gently. “I know you wanted to be back in Sherwood Forest this morning. This is kind of exactly why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want -” 

“For fuck’s sake, ‘Los.” Jay ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “I’m not angry about that! Practice can wait. I’m angry because -” he broke off. 

“Because?” Carlos didn’t want to press, but he figured saying it out loud might help Jay heal a little. 

“I dunno.” Jay rubbed his forehead. “You tell me. I came here and learned that the guy I like has been sleeping in my bed with my clothes and my picture, and I had no idea.” 

“To be fair,” Carlos said softly. “I didn’t want you to know.” 

“Still.” Jay didn’t seem consoled. “I should’ve known. I shouldn’t have left in the first place, ‘Los! I just… drove off! And left you here! For three months! If the tables were turned? If I’d had to stay here without you or Mal or Evie, I’d go crazy. I wouldn’t last. But you have. And you would’ve kept going along if I hadn’t figured it out!” 

Carlos shrugged again. “Yeah, I would’ve. It was the only thing I  _ could _ do, Jay. No offense, but you all had more important things to do -”

“You’re the most important!” Jay interrupted. “I don’t know why I got so caught up in - tourney and - college.” 

“Because you’re supposed to.” Carlos looked at him. “That’s what’s supposed to happen, Jay. You found something you love doing. You’re growing up. Getting more independant. Getting away from your old life. That’s important.” 

Jay shook his head. “I can grow up without forgetting you, Carlos. We all can.” 

Carlos shook his head. “I know you all have new lives. It’s hard to find time for everything. I wish I’d been allowed to graduate with you guys. Maybe it wouldn’t be this hard.” 

“Well,” Jay paused, looking almost helplessly at Mal and Evie, who were watching them both intently. “I don’t know, Carlos; I have to fix this.”

“I won’t let you quit tourney or drop out,” Carlos said immediately. “You belong there. I can tell. I’ll be fine.” 

“Carlos,” Evie interrupted gently, “Let him finish. Maybe there’s a way to make this better that doesn’t involve… such drastic measures.” 

“Things are  _ always  _ drastic with us,” he argued plainly, and she actually laughed a little. 

“Give him a chance. He’s a smart man, too.”

The tips of Jay’s ears were tinged red, just like they always were whenever someone gave him a particularly surprising compliment. Carlos knew he wasn’t called “smart” very often. But Evie was good at that; finding the one thing to say that made people feel the softest and warmest. 

“Well, ‘Los...” Jay scratched the back of his neck. “I was thinking - there was a lot of time for that in the car - and I dunno, maybe there’s a way that you can still take classes  _ away  _ from here. Like you said - in a place that doesn’t have old memories or whatever.” 

Scrunching up his forehead, Carlos thought it over. “Away from here? But… how would I hear the lectures? Or take the tests?” 

“If we went to Fairy Godmother, maybe she’d let you video call in. Like they did for our parents. If it could reach all the way to the island, it would definitely work at Evie and Mal’s place. And then you could live with them, and I could come visit every weekend. And for the end of year exams, you could always drive back. And if it’s a quiz, you could take an online version! They have those! Or something. I dunno.” It was very clear that he’d given the idea a _ lot  _ of thought. Carlos wondered if he’d thought about anything else the entire night. 

“How long have you been mulling that over?” he asked softy, tilting his head. 

Jay’s ears got redder. “Just… came up with it. Off the top of my head.” 

“Mmm,” Carlos hummed softly. “You’re usually a really good liar, too. Guilt is an interesting color on you. You don’t have to feel badly, you know.”

“I do.” Jay shook his head. “And anyway, it doesn’t matter how long it took me to come up with the idea; I have it now. And I think it’s a good one.” 

Carlos looked over at Evie and Mal. “Would you guys… I dunno, let me stay with you? Assuming I’m allowed to?” 

“What kind of a bullshit question is -” Mal started, but was quickly cut off by Evie’s diplomatic smile. 

“Yes, Carlitos,” she assured him. “We would be thrilled.” 

The idea sounded good. Carlos wouldn’t mind taking classes from afar. Sure, he wouldn’t be able to participate in some of the labs, but he could set up the experiments in a spare room at the girls’ place. 

“Okay…” he nodded slowly. “I suppose that could work. But what about you, Jay? You’re still gonna be in college. I won’t let you drop out.” 

Jay didn’t look thrilled, but he didn’t argue, either. “I’ll come to visit every weekend, okay? It’ll be easier with all of you guys in one place - not so spread out. I won’t flake. And I’ll call you more often, okay? And you and the girls can come up and watch my games. We’re gonna have to get better at living apart, but Carlos, I don’t want you to be miserable. That was never what I wanted. I can’t believe you spent so long suffering like this -”

“Jay?” Carlos looked up at him. “I forgive you. So you didn’t pay a ton of attention to me. And yeah, for a while there, I was kinda pissed and upset. But you drove to get the girls. You thought of a solution. You’re still my boyfriend.” 

Rubbing his own arm slowly, Jay nodded. “I - uh - I’m sorry, Carlos.” 

Carlos opened his mouth slightly, but no words came out. Jay apologizing? Since when did Jay say “I’m sorry” for anything. Along with the word please, those two words were taboo for the son of Jafar; they were akin to admitting weakness. Even now, Jay had his face hidden by his hands, like he could trap the words behind them and take them back. 

Carefully, Carlos leaned over and dropped a light kiss on his shoulder. “Hey. I love you.” 

“He was a wreck last night,” Mal said quietly. “Haven’t seen him look like that in a long time. He even drank the  _ tea  _ that Evie offered him.”

“To be fair,” Evie smiled. “He also drank the coffee that you offered him. I don’t think he was too picky about the caffeine he was receiving.” 

“My coffee is good,” Mal argued, off topic. 

“Your coffee is mud with seven shots of espresso.” 

“Mmmm.” Mal nudged Carlos, winking some. “Just the way we like it.” 

Jay looked up from his hands now, studying Carlos. “Hey, ‘Los? Don’t give up on us, okay? I know I make a lot of mistakes, and I kinda fucked up big time by flaking on you so much, but we can get better. We can fix this.” 

“Yeah.” And Carlos believed him. “We can.” 

* * *

A few weeks later, Carlos sat comfortably at the kitchen table finishing up an essay. Mal lounged on the counter, trying to toss cherry pits into a bowl. Every so often, Evie would rush by with an armful of fabric and usually some fragmented conversation from the client on her phone. 

“Yes, yes, my first available fitting would be next Wednesday at three. No not this Wednesday. Yes, I’m booked. Okay, hang on, let me pencil you in -” And then she’d disappear back into her sunlit workspace. 

“I swear,” Mal flicked another cherry pit so that it plinked off the side of the bowl and onto the floor. Dude rushed over to sniff it. “Hey, leave it, Dude! Carlos, isn’t your boyfriend supposed to be here soon?” 

Carlos glanced up from his computer, too relieved to be surrounded by the chaos of his family to be annoyed that they were interrupting his studies. “He’ll be here. He promised.” 

Sure enough, a few minutes later, there came the sound of car wheels on gravel and the slamming of a car door.

“Hey, fuckers!” Jay yelled as he stepped through the door. 

Mal grinned from her spot on the counter, throwing a cherry pit in his direction. “‘Sup, dumbass.” 

“I’m on the phone!” Evie yelled from somewhere down the hall. “Mal, you better clean up all those pits!” 

And Carlos smiled, more relaxed than he’d been in a long, long time. 

_ This,  _ he sighed happily to himself as Jay swooped in to greet him with a kiss.  _ I missed this.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> in the second movie, chad talks about audrey getting a flat tire in sherwood forest and carlos answers "that's six hours away" in case anyone is wondering where i got those numbers. 
> 
> thanks for reading!


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